No Hope for the Human Race

At times I am at awe of the lack of determination in the human race. Here are some observations...



1) Student at College Library notices the computer he's working on is not level with his eyes. Student decides to raise the computer to a more comfortable level by using the adjustable mount made just for these circumstances. Computer does not adjust right away and slides back into midget-pose. Student gives up.




2) Hungry Individual at Cafe goes to buy a bagel. Comes back with a Chipotle Grilled Chicken Salad and a Cinnamon Raisin Bagel. Hungry Individual eats the salad and decides to save the bagel for later. Hungry Individual notices hot girl observing his every move. In the attempt to look like "a man with a plan," Hungry Individual forgets to pick up a plastic knife to ready his bagel for consumption at a later time. 2 hours later, Hungry Individual eats a dry bagel. Hungry Individual failed to recognize that his finger could have been used as a spreading utensil.




3) Fat Professor takes a crap in university bathroom stall. After relieving himself of pounds of brown shit, Fat Professor realizes there is no toilet paper left for his steaming ass. F.P. acknowledges that he is too fat and shy to ask the person in the adjacent stall for some desperately needed double-pleated toilet paper. 6 hours later, F.P. has taught two classes, proctored a test, and taken the bus home all with leftover turd in his ass.




4) Lonely Soccer Mom is waiting in oversized minivan, while kids Jerry, Harry, and Barry are playing junior soccer in a tournament. Lonely Soccer Mom has a long 2 hours ahead of her before her kids will be done playing. Realizing this, L.S.M. takes a sleeping pill to induce a nap to pass the time. 5 hours later L.S.M. wakes up in a panic to find that her kids are safe at home. L.S.M.'s friend dropped off the kids at the request of Tired Office Dad. L.S.M still drowzy from the effects of the sleeping pill, spends the night passed out, now in a fetal position in the backseat.