Michael Jackson's Secret Son

His name is Omer Bhatti. And while he may not be Michael's biological son, he definitely inherited the charisma of the pop icon.  Rumors have infected the media and public spheres into believing that he is MJ's love child.

However, Omer revealed that he was decreed the "honorary" son by the prince himself after having such a close relationship with Michael from a young age.  It's fun using "Kingly" terms when referring to Michael Jackson.  It suits him.

Omer Bhatti is 25 years old and is apparently holding back an orgasm of talent. Nicknamed "Little Michael," expect to see Omer Bhatti resurfacing sometime in the near-future, hopefully carrying on his father's legacy and taking his dance moves to the next level - that is... if there is a next level.

Sources:

CultureShoq

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If The Twitter Community Was 100 People...

I think this snapshot is pretty awesome.  If you tweet - then you might think it's pretty awesome too.  But if you don't tweet - you're probably thinking "wow some people really don't have anything better to do." And if you do happen to have a Twitter account, but don't use it very much, there's a name for you too - dead.  Don't take it too personally, you still have Facebook.

Bibliography (I site my work like a manly man - proper terminology and all)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/25541021@N00/ / CC BY-NC 2.0

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Opportunize Your Environment

I know it sounds like a simple idea, but you’d be surprised how many people, myself included, try to “land a hot chick” - for example – with what seems like hours of unproductive nervous flirting.  The reality is… it’s only been 3 minutes, you’re drenched in your own man-sweat, and throwing out lines like “I only have eyes for you baby.”  Yeah, I wish that worked because it reminds me of one of my friends - not me of course.  I’m a hot stud-muffin.  But if you are one of those people looking for an easier way - a smarter way to bring about vibrant and productive experiences, there is a better paradigm.

You can Optimize your Experiences if you Opportunize your Environment

There are opportunities all around us - it’s just that sometimes we have colossal items lodged up our asses and cannot realize this simple truth.  Hopefully at the end of this wonderfully constructed post, you and I both will be able to have better life experiences by understanding how to opportunize our environment and unclog our asses.  The first step is to identify what I like to call your Temporary-Living-Area or TLA. 

Your TLA = Your Immediate Environment At That Moment.

After you’ve actually identified your TLA and usher in some much needed confidence, it is time to calibrate your personality to your environment.  So what I mean is… adjust yourself to your environment so that opportunities come to you instead of the other way around.

You got 2 out of 3 steps down.  You are aware of you’re environment and you've turned your swag on (confidence).  Now, there is just one thing missing. What is it?  You have to set yourself up for success by adapting to your environment.  The only way you can do this, is if you…

Know your Goal - Know your Target - Take the Action.

Hopefully it’ll become like second-nature to you, but it’ll be easier to see if written like below.

1. Identify Your TLA
2. Turn Your Swag On. (Take a look in the mirror say wassup)
3. Know your Goal – Know your Target – Take the Action

This can work for anything.  So let’s say you decide you want to go on a Safari in the jungles of the Amazon.  Half way through the Safari, everything goes wrong.  Your guide drowned in a sand pit, your group of 20 explorers are lost in the Amazon, and then suddenly a hungry lion appears.  What do you do?  Okay, so now that you’ve decided that you’re going to Opportunize Your Environment, this is what your thoughts should look like: 

1. Okay so I have to identify the damn TLA.  Uhhh I’m in the Amazon in some remote jungle and a lion is going to eat me?!?!  Why the hell are there lions in South America? Whatever, I gotta get through this. Okay I got step one down.  I’m in the Amazon Forest, there are dangerous animals threatening to eat me. I'm scared. What’s step 2 ?
2. Turn my f*cking swag on. Okay I’m a baller.  I can do this.  I’m gonna do this damnit. Okay... Okay time for step 3.
3. Get out alive - Kill the f*cking lion – Let’s do this.  Okay, so how can I use my environment to kill the lion? Maybe I can use this vine to strangle the lion.  Hmmm okay so I probably won’t be able to kill the lion.  But there’s gotta be a way to distract the beastly feline.  Oh look a wild boar.  I got it! I’ll kill the wild boar because its definitely easier than killing a lion and then hopefully the lion will feast on the wild boar and we will all live happily ever after.  It’s a long shot, but maybe it’ll work.

Okay so maybe that wasn’t the best example, but OYE (Opportunizing Your Environment) is definitely something you should think about before you decide to go on a date, inquire about a job, take a test, or escape from the reaches of a dangerous wild animal.  Whatever your circumstance, OYE should be able to prevent you from panicking and provide you with a plan of action.

Now, if I could just follow my own advice… i would be a baller

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The Twitter Revolution - Should You Be TweetIng?

So if you haven't jumped on the Tweetrain just yet, allow me to elaborate. 

Twitter is like instant blogging.  You don't have to do shit.  It takes the fun out of writing and the effort out of posting blogs. However, some celebrities have found ways to still make me laugh with great one-liners.  My favorites? I would have to say Stephen Colbert and Tina Fey. Dry humor just gets me.

"Tweeting" [the thing that you do, when you use Twitter] is definitely not for everyone.  Its great for celebrities because everyone listens to them and cares so much about what they have to say. But if you're just some guy named Jeramiah living somewhere in Luxembourg, who the hell cares what you're saying? Riddle me that.

So for all you people who can't decide whether you should twitter or not, I've answered some Frequently Asked Questions to help you decide for yourself.  

What the hell is twitter?

- Twitter is a free social networking/messaging utility for staying connected in real-time

Okay... Well, what the hell does that mean?

- It's like Facebook on Pot.  All mellowed down and chill.  Forget all the poking, excessive wall posting, videos, photos, and outrageous groups.  All you gotta do is put up one picture of yourself, and update your status whenever you want.

Does tweeting make me a bird?

- No, birds chirp.  If you tweet; that means you use twitter and enjoy updating your status every time you take a massive dump in a public bathroom and feel the need to tell everyone you know.

Are there any benefits to using Twitter?

-Sure.  All jokes aside, it really is a great way to reach a large audience.  If you're a political maniac or enjoy expressing your opinion about anything, you should be tweeting right now instead of vandalizing school property with your Controversial Graffiti Art. 

Twitter still sounds like it's for losers, What else you got?

-Well, you can link your phone to twitter, making it easier for you to communicate to all of your "followers" [friends on twitter] with one simple status update or "tweet."

What if I like writing on other people's walls?

- Hmmm. Well you can still direct message people which is like your Facebook Inbox.  Only you can see those particular messages.  You can also direct your tweet to someone specific by typing "@type-your-friend's-username-here" followed by your status update.  Anyone can see that message, but it is more personalized in the sense that you're prompting your friend to respond to your update.  Meaning you can still have a ghetto facebook wall-to-wall conversation.

Can Twitter get annoying?

- Of course it can... If you choose to follow people who update their shit 25 times a day.  My advice: just don't follow them.

How do I sign up?

- So you wanna sign up huh. I knew I could convince you. Twitter me that!  

Well it's really easy.  Just click the link below to register.  It's really quick.

Join Twitter

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Idioms - The "RichText" of Global Cultures

Idioms hold a special place in languages all around the world. They make you feel inferior when they're from your own language and you don't understand them. I know I feel pretty stupid. Or at least curious. In the past, my parents always spoke in Hindi [my mother tongue] when they didn't want me to understand certain things. At the moment, I thought it was about stuff my virgin mind didn't need to worry about. I was all about cotton candy and lollipops.

And then all of a sudden, without warning my allowance was cut in half - that's when I figured out what they were talking about. Go figure. We were poor. And just like that no more cotton candy.

I like to find some humor in my impoverished childhood. I know what you're thinking... he's gonna make fun of poor people and thats messed up. Well Hey! ... I lived it. So, I'm allowed. Its kinda like black people and how they can say... 

Yeah so where was I? Poverty ... that's right.

Sometimes we didn't have food. So we ate Ramen Noodles dammit. That's what poor people do.

Sometimes we didn't have flavor in our food. Actually, we never had flavor in our food. We couldn't afford ranch dressing. Ketchup packets were always free... so I ate almost everything with ketchup. I vividly remember eating stale carrots with ketchup. Can carrots get stale? Who the hell knows. They tasted stale. And dammit, I was gonna dip them in ketchup if I wanted.

Don't get me wrong - I loved my childhood - it just felt like I was re-living Darwin's Theory of Natural Selection. Survival of the fittest.

I digress. 

Back to Exotic Idioms from around the world.

What is an idiom?...

Wikipedia defines an idiom as a phrase that cannot be determined by the literal definition of the phrase itself, but refers instead to a figurative meaning that is known only through common use e.g. It's a small world

Things you should know...

Idioms are unique to different cultures and contribute to the richness of a language

Idioms Usually do not cross language boundaries.  

Idioms are the hardest things to pick up when learning a new language

Here is a list of interesting idioms/slang from different languages...

Wiggle your bucket [in Mexican Spanish] means to dance

Elegant lion [in Hindi] means attractive woman

To get one's eyes stolen [in Japanese] means to be dazzled

Ahahana! [in Hawaiian Pidgin/Slang] means Shame on you! You're gonna get it!

You come eat my house [in Hawaiian Pidgin/Slang] is A dinner invitation

Taxed [in Hawaiian Pidgin/Slang] means Mugged

You like beef? [in Hawaiian Pidgin/Slang] means Would you like to fight?

To be born with a silver spoon in the mouth [in Hindi] means to be born rich

To smell milk in the mouth [in Turkish] means to be innocent

To become a goat [in French] means to become extremely angry

Chinese Whispers [in British English] means to gossip

To hang oneself [in Mexican Spanish] means to get married

I really like that last one.

Lost in Translation:

Coca Cola first entered the Chinese market with a string of Mandarin characters that was pronounced as "ko-ka-ko-la"  This literally translated into phrases like "female horse fastened with wax" and "bite the wax tadpole." Eventually, Coca Cola formulated the group of characters "K'o K'ou K'o Lê," which loosely translates into "To make the mouth happy."

Mistranslations happen everyday and cause many problems.  But that doesn't mean we can't laugh at them.

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Flying Through Airport Security Efficiently

I hate it when I'm going through airport security and the metal detector goes off. Sometimes I pray when I'm walking through it.  But that's only because I have an unusual last name, brown skin, and hair growing out of my chin.  That combination sucks and you know it.  

The point is... I end up spending much more time going through airport security because I don't prepare for it.  Maybe you have a last name that rhymes with Shbin Shladen or maybe you forgot to shave and happen to be wearing an odd looking turban - Whatever your situation is, you won't be able to dodge airport security.  However, you can prepare yourself to speed up the process.  Included, are some reminders to help you prepare for the flight itself.

Here are some healthy tips to remember:

1) Shave

2) Make sure your carry-on bag does not contain sharp objects and other things that might be considered dangerous like dynamite (it's happened before)

3) Wear pants that fit snug on your waistline (no belt)

4) Check the weather, so you can dress appropriately

5) Leave your religious paraphernalia at home

6) Wear easy-to-remove shoes

7) Don't make small talk with others before going through airport security

8) Use the restroom before getting to the airport security line

9) Pack efficiently (place possibly-prohibited objects on top)

10) Have your frequent-flyer miles on hand

11) Inquire about exit seats, so you can make a faster getaway (the extra leg-room doesn't hurt either)

12) Keep your important documents, identification papers, and plane tickets close by.  Make sure they are in a secure location, but accessible to you

13) If you bring medicine, it needs to be in its original packaging

14) Drink water.  Dehydration is more likely to occur at higher altitudes

15) During long flights, take walks form time to time to keep your blood circulating in your legs

16) To avoid jetlag, set your watch to the timezone of your destination

17) To get your food first on the flight, order a "special meal" via online booking e.g. Kosher

18) Last but not least, if you have kids, bring sedatives.  Works like a charm.

Websites To Checkout Before Flying:

- Seat Guru

- Transportation Security Administration

*compiled with the help of Dilan Patel and Atse Theodros

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